Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
