why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
