Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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