Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
