I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
