Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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