You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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