Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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