I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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