I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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