How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
