Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
