the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
