How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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