im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
