I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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