He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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