i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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