Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
