The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
