when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I didn't shave. On purpose
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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