1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
