She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
