Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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