She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
