No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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