literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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