so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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