i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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