His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
