He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
