they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
