yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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