evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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