hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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