Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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