i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
