Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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