She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
its liver damage thursday
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize