sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
