Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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