Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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