Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
