No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
