mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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