We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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