I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
