i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
