After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
