did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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