You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
