You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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