My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm passing your future prison.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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