I could make wine with my vomit
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
