How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
