I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
