LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
