I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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