I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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