Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize