Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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