Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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