All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
