I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
