Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
