i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
