So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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