she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize