if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
COCAINE IS GR8
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