guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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