if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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