OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
porn star boner night. come get it.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
