:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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