He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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