I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
