My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize