Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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