How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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