just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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