wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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