What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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