But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I checked into jail on foursquare
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
