No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
