I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
