i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Drunk is not a location!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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