watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Mom said you looked used
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
