I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
