i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
