i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
