I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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