did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
birth control should be required to get into college
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
