Tell her she can't have a vagina
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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