I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
