So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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