i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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