If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
