We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
